Yes, perhaps I am, and perhaps i always will be - always being the one to go talking to people, all bubbly and perpetually smiling. I wish knew better though, I wish I just sat back down, and watch everything take its course, i just wish that deep down I can sincerely wish all these without lying to myself because I know enough to know that i never really would.

I feel like a ghost sometimes - who am I kidding? - I feel like one most of the time. I feel that if i don't hold on, figuratively or literally, onto something, I'll fade. I will fade, not die, or maybe even if i do die, no one would be any wiser. perhaps this is an important factor to my "kakulitan". because I WANT TO BE THERE. I want people to see that I AM there. I want people to remember that I WAS there. I want them to see ME. I want them to acknowledge my EXISTENCE, not my acts, not my jokes, not even my stories, my journals, my art, misbehaviors... Its not that I crave attention. i just think things are surreal. Even normal things appear surreal to me because I see more, and I look more, deeper into things and within me both at the same time.

I see more, because i feel exactly as how the people i see feel. i see details and through my flawed vision, i somehow see more than some people still. so i find more reasons to approach people than most. I detect and come up with better ways to approach people than most. and I'm not afraid to take the risk and be rejected because they will find out eventually that what I am doing, actualizes myself and offers them a hand both at the same time. I guess I will always be a friend, and I find no better fulfillment than being recognized as a good one, a good person and a good man. a man of God, makulit.